Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
