If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
do herpes really smell.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
