About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
