Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
