Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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