I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize