He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
