She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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