You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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