Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize