I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
