She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
