On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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