when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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