My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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