i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
is wine microwaveable?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
