im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
