I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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