I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
