im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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