shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
