Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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