wat bout pragnant strippers??
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
