Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
