I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
