i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
