It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
