im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Last time i carry you out of a forest
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
