I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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