Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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