I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
