Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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