The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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