That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
