Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
