Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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