Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he thought i was a dude.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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