Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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