Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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