Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
