He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
