I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
