A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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