The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
only you would photoshop your dick
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
