why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
