some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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