I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize