My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
