i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I will be naked everywhere
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
