I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize