Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
