omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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