I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
