I puked a lego.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
