I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i think i just lost a toe
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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