I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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