Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
