i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
