Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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