if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
