Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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