and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
