There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
