In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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