that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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