Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
