Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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