We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
