How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
