My hair reeks of homosexuality.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
