Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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