better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
whose ass print is on the piano?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
