WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
